Ever since before we started trying to get pregnant I loved to indulge by reading or watching birth stories whenever I could, hoping that one day I would be able to experience some of what I was seeing and reading. I think that the anticipation leading up to labor and delivery is a crazy, exciting thing - even if it is a little scary! During my pregnancy, I'll admit, I was a little worried about how the whole thing would go down. Was I strong enough? How long would I be pushing? Was I prepared physically and mentally? I had so many questions for myself. Not doubt, just curiosity. The last few weeks of pregnancy really dragged on. I had gotten the okay from my psych elective to just stay home (so sweet of them), the nursery was all ready, his clothes were washed and sorted, the camera was charged, I cleaned the house *twice,* and our bags were packed. I was ready. As ready as I thought I needed to be. Some parts of this story may be a little TMI - you’ve been warned.

At my 37 week appointment J and I asked my doctor if we could schedule an induction in the event that we went over 40 weeks. It was partly because of how excited we were to meet Noah and partly because of my anxiety about having a post-term baby after being in the NICU - in retrospect, working in the NICU while pregnant may have freaked me out a little more than I would've liked. Our induction was scheduled for August 25, 2016 at 40 weeks and 1 day. We couldn't wait. And I was sooooo sure we'd go into labor before then. I was wrong :) and soon enough it was the big day.

We woke up at 5 am that day to pray Fajr (the morning prayer before sunrise) and then I frantically called my insurance carrier because I had forgotten (pregnancy brain) to make sure my delivery and possible epidural were covered costs. They were, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.. And then we waited for the call from the hospital telling us to come in at 630. I was anxious so I ended up calling a little before, lol. The charge nurse told me that L&D had a very busy night and I'd likely get pushed back until the afternoon, which we did. So we went back to sleep. Not really, though. Neither of us slept we kind of just laid there knowing that we should sleep but we were too excited. We didn’t expect to be called until noon, but at 11 am the call came. We were so giddy and excited. On the way to the hospital we stopped at Subway and I had a footlong sub of all the glorious turkey (couldn't eat deli meat during pregnancy!) and veggies I had been craving for months. I ate it in less than 6 minutes. No big deal.

When we got to the hospital we checked in at L&D. J got his daddy name tag and I got my patient bracelets. The last time I had gotten those bracelets was before my surgery 5 years prior at the same hospital. It’s crazy how life changes! Then we were escorted into our room. When I walked in it hit me - this was our room and the place on this Earth where our little man would join us with the help of God. My friend works at L&D and was sweet enough to set us up with wonderful nurses for the day and night shifts. My day nurse came in and introduced herself, she was really sweet and had what my friend called a “hippie vibe” that would go along with my birth plan. What was my birth plan you ask? I’ll tell ya.

For starters I didn't want men in the room for personal and religious reasons. I wanted to be able to move freely during my labor. I also wanted to labor without any pain medication for as long as I could. We also requested that the baby be given to J right after he was delivered so that he could say the adhan (call to prayer) and the first chapter of the Quran into his ear before skin to skin time with me. Our hospital has a strict “golden hour” policy where, so long as mom and baby are healthy, there is uninterrupted skin to skin for an hour before the baby is weighed or anything which is so sweet. My nurse was down to labor with me unmedicated and offered me all the resources she could - yoga ball, hot shower, etc.

We walked around the unit and hung out in the room for a couple hours while my doctor finished up another delivery. The anticipation was still high and got pretty antsy. In the meantime I was hooked up to the tocometer (for contractions) and a monitor to hear the baby’s heart beat. My pitocin was finally started at 2:30 pm. It was game time.

At 2 units of pitocin I was having really, really light contractions. So light that I didn't even known I was contracting. So every 30 minutes my pitocin was increased by 2 units. I walked around the unit and bounced on the yoga ball. At around 4:30 pm my doctor came in to check how far I had dilated. I came into the hospital at aaaalmost 4cm (had been there for a week!) and had only dilated to mayyyybe a 5, lol. I was surprised but still wasn't in a ton of pain. My membranes were ruptured (my doctor broke my water) and I had to lay on the bed for a while so that Noah could be monitored for distress. Let me tell you, contracting while walking, standing or bouncing on a yoga ball is WAY better than contracting while laying in a bed. It started to get real. Not to mention that the actual breaking of my water was also super uncomfortable. But I kept cool, after all how bad could it get?

I continued to labor on but the contractions were getting really strong. Unfortunately for me, they weren't regular - I’d have a big one, then a couple small ones, or sometimes a few would come right after each other (ouch). My doctor wanted to monitor the strength of my contractions more accurately so she inserted an intrauterine pressure catheter (my nurse said sometimes the external monitors don’t work so great on skinnier ladies, which made me feel pretty good even if it was for only a second). Again, the insertion of the IUPC was pretty uncomfortable since any added pressure or stretching on your cervix during labor sucks. My contractions kept getting more painful and I didn’t feel like walking around anymore. So I leaned over during contractions and J helped with putting counter pressure on my lower back which was amazing. Eventually I moved onto the bed and got down on all fours to help with the pain, while J was still pressing on my back. My lower legs went numb from being in that position and I had to switch to standing again. I was getting pretty tired. I remember looking at J and asking - if I get an epidural am I giving up? He sweetly and obviously said no. So I decided that I would request another cervical check to see if I had made any progress - I had been on pit for 5 hours now - and if I was close to complete I would just push through BUT if I hadn’t made much progress I’d request an epidural.

My doctor came in and checked. I was still at a 5, a generous 5.5 cm. My heart sank but I was in so much pain that I knew it was time to let the pit do its job while I got some relief and rest with the epidural. While I waited for the anesthesiologist my nurse offered me a small dose of fentanyl to take the edge off - I felt like I was floating, it was awesome. And then I got to meet my night nurse, who was so sweet and really helped make the rest of our experience so special.

As I sat over the edge of the bed while the anesthesiologist prepped my back to insert the epidural catheter I thought about how many times I had seen this done to other laboring women. I knew what to expect and wasn’t scared. And I honestly barely even felt when the needle went in. By J's face during the whole thing you'd guess he was getting the needle though lol. It was now around 7:30pm and J was starving so he went to get food while I got settled in with my foley catheter, new sheets, etc. About 5 minutes after J left, my nurse was still with me and I started to get super lightheaded. My face and hands started to tingle and I knew my blood pressure was probably bottoming out. I looked at her and told her I didn’t feel very good. She let out a quick - Oooh! BP was 70/40. She gave me a bolus of fluid and called the anesthesiologist. We waiting another 5 minutes and my pressure dropped to 60/38. The CRNA came in and together with my nurse turned me on my other side and gave me another fluid bolus. All the while, Noah’s heart rate remained strongly in the 130’s which was reassuring. By the time J came back my blood pressure had normalized, Noah was still doing great, and I felt much better. It was scary, though. I think knowing exactly what’s happening to your physiologically can be reassuring at times but it can also freak you out more… especially when it’s your job to get a little human here safely.

From 8pm to 12:30 my pit was increased by 2 units every thirty minutes, I was turned every hour and I tried to get some rest in between. My contractions still weren’t exactly regular and I ended up getting a total of 30 units of pit and my doctor was weary of going any higher. My epidural pump started beeping at almost 1am and I called my nurse. She decided to check my cervix then and asked - are you ready to start pushing? It was so unexpected, like this was really happening. It was so exciting. My only request was that I be allowed to put on lipstick and contacts before we started and my nurse though that was pretty funny. The cool thing about my epidural was that it had officially run out about 30 minutes before she said it was time to start pushing and I was able to move my legs and had core control but still couldn’t feel a thing!

My nurse held my right leg and J took the left and I started pushing at 1:12am. I remembered to engage my full core through all those belly pumping breaths I had been practicing for months. And within 10 minutes my nurse decided to call my doctor because we were making good progress. My doctor arrived and we kept pushing. I never realized it would be so hard to bear down and try not to let go of my breath while pushing - my doctor kept saying ‘don’t give up on me now!’ in the sassy way that she does. I kept looking up at J who was very focused on the corner of the room behind me hahah. When my doc asked if I wanted to feel the head I got so excited, he had so much hair! After a total of 15 pushes and 40 minutes, Noah was born at 1:52am on Friday August 26, 2016 at 40 weeks and 2 days.

My doctor was amazed at how big he was - she thought he would be around 6 pounds but he was a whopping 8 lbs 8 oz and 21 inches long! As she pulled him out she asked - where were you hiding him?! I watched as J cut the cord and prayed in his ear and I sobbed. I cried so much. And my nurse was crying too. Noah was placed on my chest and gave me the sweetest little grunts. The nurse and the tech tried to get him to cry but he refused so they took him to the warmer to stimulate him a little. He still didn’t cry but was pink, had great tone and a good grimace. It’s funny, my mom said I never cried after birth either so I figured Noah was just following in my footsteps. When I got him back on my chest it was the most beautiful, perfect time of my entire life. He looked up at me and I finally looked into his black little eyes that I had been dreaming of. It’s crazy. It’s like meeting a stranger that you’ve known forever and has your whole heart. The next two days in the hospital were absolute bliss. J and I must have stared at Noah for a full 48 hours lol. It was the best experience of our lives.

Thanks for letting me share my very own birth story, guys! One thing I will say is that a good birth partner will make a world of difference. Getting to go through this with J was a blessing in itself. From pregnancy to birth he was there for me and it’s something we’ll never forget. He was an amazing birth partner and now he’s an incredible dad. I hope I can get some time to share what I took to the hospital and put together some baby essentials posts for you guys. Thanks for reading!