Hello! It's been a little bit since I've posted. I feel like peds was even more busy for me than internal medicine, hence the slacking in the blogging department - oops. I'm now on family medicine and I can't believe I've only got 5 weeks left until the first half of MS3 is over!

I've wanted to share a post on being married in med school since it's one of the most frequent questions I get. Every marriage/partnership is unique so I'm not declaring myself an expert on the subject. But these words are from my own perspective and my hope is that they might apply to other couples out there as well! But first, a little background.

J and I met back when I was a sophomore in undergrad in February 2011. After just a couple of weeks of talking (we were long distance) we knew we wanted to spend our lives together. But, more importantly, we wanted to build a life together from the bottom up. He knew my vision, I knew his and soon they became one. That summer that followed we were married religiously (also known as a katb kitaab) at his parent's house in beautiful North Lebanon. A year later, we had our wedding and we moved in together right before I started med school and he started his masters program. I guess I'm sharing all this to give some background and to give an example that a marriage isn't built overnight, and that it takes years to achieve things; whether that's finally getting to be together after years spent half a world apart, or goals like higher education, career building, and even surviving med school.

As a couple, we are each other's best friend / support system / biggest fan / you name it. We are equal partners in life and have always tried to approach challenges and blessings in this way. Our approach to medical school has been no different. Since starting my first semester of med school, J has always encouraged me to do my best while going out of his way to help me find time to study. To be honest, he's a super competitive person (and pretty brilliant I might add!) so he's often more intense than I am, lol. First and second year were pretty relaxed in terms of time commitments, though I did have to study a lot. Still though, I made my own schedule (should have enjoyed it more when I had the chance!) leaving us with plenty of free time for ourselves. Then came Step 1, also known as a the most mentally brutal and intellectually challenging time of my life. J did his best to ensure that I had time to study and less things to worry about like cooking, cleaning, and running errands. And now I'm almost 6 months into my third year which has been a totally new dynamic for us. Third year entails a lot of hours, on good weeks that means 40 hours. That has forced us to accommodate two work schedules while keeping up with our other responsibilities. There's also less time for ourselves, which makes "us" time more special. Considering that my days of passively learning in a classroom are over, I'd say learning to juggle demanding schedules while maintaining balance has been valuable and will continue to be so for the rest of our careers. Through these years I've learned a few things about being married in med school, and so I'd like to share a few key thoughts.

- Foundation. A strong foundation is the basis to any relationship and even more so in a marriage. I think that it's crucial to talk about your goals early on and how you plan on getting there even if you don't have an exact plan. Even more important, however, is having common goals in the first place. Communication is absolutely vital in this area. Establishing yourselves as a strong duo early on is the most important thing about married in medical school. There will be hard days, weeks, and months but being there for one another no matter what is a beautiful thing. For some of us med students, medical school is the most challenging thing we've ever gone through. Having someone who makes it easier on you by supporting you, cheering you on, and helping you out is priceless.

- Priorities. This is something that will depend on your personal beliefs and desires in life. For me, second only to our faith, my little family is my highest priority. That means that just as I set aside time to study or figure out my rotation / study schedule I also make sure that there is "us" time set aside. It honestly keeps me grounded and is my happy place. I think it's important to discuss priorities early on so there are no surprises.  As a woman in medicine, the idea of priorities is a deeply complex and challenging concept. There are already so many expectations placed on women that adding the responsibility of a medical career may seem daunting. A supportive partner can make all the difference. Another issue that may arise in the realm of "priorities" is that of whose career is more important at any given time. This can be especially challenging when a couple has two high-powered careers. I think it's important to respect and admire each others accomplishments and make space for them. While medicine is a life-long commitment, so are other careers and they are no less important to those in them than medicine is to us.

- Balance. Medicine can be consuming; it may take more than you would expect from your mind, body, and soul. Going through something like that can be taxing, but it doesn't always have to be. That being said, the stress and difficulties you experience as a med student will inevitably be shared with your partner. Expressing how you feel and getting through it together is not only cathartic, but makes you stronger as a couple. Do not feel that you must give 100% of yourself to medicine, your partner, your responsibilities, your children, etc at all times because it is simply not possible; and while the areas you are focusing on thrive, others will suffer. Your focus and energy will often be shared among many things but remember that you have the power to choose which parts get the most of you. Self-care is often forsaken in medicine, but how can we heal others if we ourselves are withering? Taking care of yourself is so important, and will help keep your relationship healthy.

- Reward. How special is it to become a doctor alongside the person you love? It is a privilege and should be treated as such. Being able to tell my husband about all the cool and fascinating stuff I learn, the memorable patients I meet and my ever-changing specialty interests is pretty special. Med school is hard, but it is temporary. And, as in life, there are hard times. But try to appreciate them,  they often teach us more than the easy ones and let us learn new things about ourselves and our partners. Celebrate your successes with your partner, recover from your failures together and appreciate the little rewards along the way, there are many.

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I've learned so much in these last few years in med school that goes beyond facts and clinical pearls and I'm grateful to go through every step alongside my husband. In the end, a partner should make the hard things in life easier. Med school is a big feat, but it's not the impossible mountain for relationships that some make it out to be.